Butch Thompson Trio, Guy Van Duser, Hot Rize, Garrison Keillor, Lisa Neustadt, Billy Novick. Jean Redpath,
Radio Boogie (Hot Rize ) Rank Strangers (Hot Rize ) Been All Around This World (Hot Rize ) High on a Mountain (Hot Rize ) Land of Enchantment (Hot Rize ) Farewell Blues (Hot Rize ) Taking a chance on love (Butch Thompson Trio ) Atlanta blues (Butch Thompson Trio ) You belong to me (Butch Thompson Trio ) Rip em up Joe (Butch Thompson Trio ) King Porter stomp (Butch Thompson Trio ) I sow the seeds of love ( Jean Redpath ) He stole my sweet time away ( Jean Redpath ) Let no man steal your time ( Jean Redpath ) Farewell he ( Jean Redpath ) Bonny bunch of thyme ( Jean Redpath ) Ten thousand miles ( Jean Redpath ) Down by The Riverside ( Lisa Neustadt , Garrison Keillor ) Shenandoah ( Garrison Keillor , Lisa Neustadt ) A cat's a cat ( Garrison Keillor , Jean Redpath ) Lead me home ( Garrison Keillor , Jean Redpath )
Bertha's Kitty Boutique Campbell, William Fearmonger's Shop House of Stuart Jack's Scraps for Dogs Powdermilk Biscuits Tollefsen, Grace
It’s been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon. Got a good snow up there here the other day, much to the pleasure of Bud who was out with the plow even before it stopped coming down- wanted to get that town cleared out. Unfortunately, he couldn't see well enough and knocked out the stop sign there by the Sidetrack Tap. But as he explained to Clint Bunson nobody would have been able to stop anyway, 'cause it was too slippery. Also, referring to the fact that the Town council this fall again voted not to use salt to melt the snow on the ice on the streets first, because they couldn't afford it, and also because the Garden Club was opposed to it, believing that it hurts the lilacs.
But it's over- It's over Bud's objections to he was at that council meeting and said “you are taking the tools out of my hand.” He said, “you're tying one arm behind my back”, he wants to see those streets black out there.
Couple of guys in the Sidetrack Tap were kind of hoping they might be snowed in for a while. Maybe stay for a while and Wally would have to break out the good brandy. Stave off death, but not much chance of being snowbound, not down with Bud behind the plow. Though some people like to every so often, you'd like to have nature make you stop. Have nature- we don't like to win all the time, you know. Sometimes like to have nature say, “now you sit there for a while. You just stay put.”
The real news in Lake Wobegon in my book took place just a few blocks from here up in Saint Paul here this last week. Story that actually goes back many, many years 20 some years when the Tollefson girl- Grace Tollefson- graduated from high school and much to the surprise of everyone, she was kind of a quiet, sensible person. She ran off with a strange man who came through town by the name of Campbell, who was a good looking man with green eyes and sandy hair and loved to do magic tricks with quarters and napkins and loved to toss kids up in the air. But who seemed to have no prospects in this world and who was known to keep a bottle of whiskey in the trunk of his car when he came and to visit it on occasion. So it was over the opposition of the Tollefson family that Grace married him and became a Campbell and moved away from Lake Wobegon.
And as the years went along. Back came little bits of news that was not a happy marriage. They had a child and then they had another and they had a third and then back came the news that he had left her. Actually he had gone off on a binge, gotten drunk and she locked the door and on him. He came back and then went away. And so there was nothing for her to do but to come back to town and to live off the charity of her family and the Lutheran Church.
Her brother Lawrence got her a mobile home, an old green mobile home with plywood sides kind of cracked on the side and moved it into the yard behind his house by his garden. And the ladies from the church came and cleaned it up a little bit, and they donated furniture. And people were sort of nice to him, but nice like you'd be nice to somebody who there was something wrong with.
They didn't have a father and at that time in that town, it was like being a three-legged dog- it was just so unusual. And it was humiliating for her to walk down the streets and people look at her and she could see what they were thinking. They were thinking “we were right. We told you now look at you.”
Her oldest boy was Earl. Her daughter was Marlis and the little boy was Walter, who was so little he could not even really remember his father. And he didn't get much information around there. He asked his mother about his father and she would only say that he was a handsome man and was descended from Scottish nobility. And that he had a weakness. But it wasn't anybody's fault.
He asked his grandma Tollefson about his father. And she said “huhhh... those Campbells are all alike. Wasn't one of them worth mentioning.” But she said ”it's not your fault Walter, you didn't ask to be born into this world, now, did you?” He didn't ask again.
Oh, it was kind of a sad family living there in that mobile home- living off charity. Every night after supper, all four of them would clear the table and do the dishes. And sometimes when she was feeling very good or when she was feeling very sad she would say- Grace would say “Well”, she'd say “what we're going to do when our ship comes in.” And that was everybody's cue to say what they do when they got rich. Well, they'd have a mansion in Saint Paul- they'd have a big white mansion with a white fence around it. And they'd have big crystal chandelier in the dining room and they'd have fireplaces in the bedrooms. And it would be beautiful. With beautiful carpets.
Earl wanted a pony, he had simple tastes- he just wanted a pony- wanted to ride his pony around the streets of St Paul- bare back. Marlis- she wanted a big doll house- when the ship came in she’s going to have a big doll House for her dolls- Mr and Mrs. Whippet and their children. And there'd be a swimming pool out behind it. And Walter, he sort of went along with all that- that's what they'd have when their ship came in. But one thing he didn't say- and that was that he knew that when the ship came in, his father would be in the bow up there in a big white uniform with a blue cap with a gold braid on it.
Well, they got a letter. Now, how long ago was this? I think about 15 years ago. They got a letter from a man in Philadelphia who said he was doing research into Scottish nobility and he understood that the Campbells kind of figured in there and the Scottish aristocracy and he wanted to know who their ancestors were so he could look it up and he'd send them a free family tree. So Grace wrote down what she knew- what names of Campbell ancestors she was aware of and sent it off and didn't think anymore of it until she got another letter from Philadelphia.
It was in a big creamy envelope and she opened it up. On the outside was her name, but on the inside it said “Your Royal Highness.” And it said “Today is the happiest day of my life as I greet my one true sovereign queen.” And went on to say that the Campbell family was the first in the royal line of succession of the House of Stuart, the royal Family of Scotland.
She passed it around to the children. They each read it. Carefully, as if we were made of spun gold, and if they dropped it, it would break into little pieces. And she was quiet a long time. And then she said. “It may be true. Or it might not be true. But we'll find out. But anyway. You're not to tell us all about this, you understand? You don't tell anybody, you promise? They all promised.
About a week later, this man in Philadelphia, whose name was DM MacKay, sent them another creamy envelope and they opened it up, and there was a chart which unfolded and was bigger than their kitchen table. And it started way up here in the left hand corner with King James the 7th and King James the 8th, the old Pretender- and Prince Charles. And it kind of got lost in there with a bunch of counts and marquises and aristocracy, but right down here in the lower right hand corner it certainly seemed to lead right to them.
And there they were. The royal family of Scotland living in Lake Wobegon- in a green mobile home with furniture donated by the Lutheran Church. They sat astounded. Couldn't even talk. Here they were in this same dismal little place. But everything had changed. Everything had changed. There were different people.
There were times in the weeks and months that followed that Walter wished he could tell somebody about it. That he was a Prince of Scotland. Especially to his cousin Donnamarie, who lived in the house and who had all sorts of rules about who could and couldn't play in her backyard and what they had to do and what they had to say to her as if she was some kind of royalty. Well someday Walter would stand revealed to her- would take off his old second hand hand me down parka and would be Prince of Scotland. And she'd kneel down in the grass and beg his forgiveness, which he might or might not give her. There was many a time they were tempted to tell.
The letters kept coming from the man in Philadelphia and one day he wrote one to Walter which his mother read aloud to him several times. It said. ”Your Royal Highness. Discovering you and your family has been the happiest accomplishment of my life. And if God in his infinite wisdom should deny me the opportunity to meet you face to face on this earth, I should still count myself the luckiest of men. For this chance, however small, to restore Scotland to her former greatness. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. And that I will work with every ounce of my being to restore you from your sad exile to the lands, the goods, and the reverence to which you by the will of God are entitled.”
Boy doesn't get a letter like that very often. It was astounding.
Well, people in town of course knew about these creamy envelopes coming to the Campbells and they were so curious about it they tried to pry it out of them. They tried to pry it out of the children- the children wouldn't tell. And people started to resent the fact that they had this secret. One day, Lawrence said to Grace, he said, “you know, Grace, sometimes you act like you're too good to walk on the same ground with us.”
And that's when they decided to move to Saint Paul. Lawrence packed a bunch of their old furniture in his trailer to give him a ride down here, but at the last minute, Grace said “take it off. I don't want to take that with me, that's not mine. That belongs to the church.”
Lawrence said “you might need it down there.”
She looked at him, she said, “Lawrence. What I need in this life is style. And I need understanding and love and I won't be carrying it with me from Lake Wobegon. I'm going to find it where I'm going.”
The children sat in the back seat of the car and looked out at the neighbors who’d come to look at him as they left town. And Marlis sat there holding her dolls- Mr and Mrs. Whippet- on her lap.
And she said “someday. When we're crowned the royal Family of Scotland, they'll have a big parade here in our honor, and I'm not coming.”
Well, they still live in Saint Paul. Earl moved off. He got tired of the whole business. His mother made him sign a little document saying he relinquished all right to his line of succession, heir to the Scottish throne. But Marlis she still lives with her mother in the apartment up there a few blocks off Summit Ave. And Walter does to his student at college. He's about 22.
Over the years, they've read all the history of Scotland and memorized the names of towns and places. And have studied over and over again the sad history of the House of Stuart, from which they are descended. That the English in 1688 overthrew their true and rightful King, King James the 7th. And they brought in a Dutchman. William of Orange. And when William and Mary did not have children to take over the throne, the Stuarts were waiting, they would have been glad to forgive the English and come back and be king and queen again. But no, they wouldn't do that. They sent up to Germany for some Princes from the House of Hanover, brought them down and made them royalty over England and Scotland.
And finally, in 1746, Bonnie Prince Charles came over from France all by himself and rallied his brave Highlanders behind him and marked south down into England and got a ways and then for some reason turned around and went back up. And finally, in April of that year at the Battle of Culloden, his hopes and his army were torn to shreds, and the House of Stuart went over the hill into history.
Whenever Grace saw an article about Queen Elizabeth or Prince Phillip or Prince Charles in the paper, she was livid. Usurpers, they called James the 8th the old pretender look at these Germans sitting on the royal throne of Scotland! It's not right.
Well, they got letter year after year, month after month from DB Mackay saying he was forming a committee for the restoration of the houses Stuart to the Monarchy of Scotland and that it could be any time when they should prepare themselves. And so they did, and was what drove Earl off. Mother making him stand and smile for hours at a time. Got tired of it. Whenever their faith was low- whenever their faith was low, that someday they'd be restored Grace had turned the Walter, and she'd say, “Walter, tell us what it'll be like when we get the call.”
And he said “it'll come at 8:30 in the evening on a summer day. And they will tell us to be on a plane the next morning. And we'll be so excited we can't sleep and we'll get on the plane and we'll be exhausted. But then we'll land in Glasgow. And there'll be crowds, crowds of people. And six men in blue pinstripe suits will get on from Scotland Yard and escort us to a helicopter and we will fly to Holy Rood Castle on High Street in Edinburgh and we’ll be led into freshen up for a while and then we'll go up to the balcony and there will be the balustrade and there will be 13 microphones. And there beyond it will be a 100,000 Scots.
“And we'll walk forward. And speak. You do it, Walter. I'm too nervous.”
He often thought what he would say. He might say something like. “How much is all this costing?” Or he might say “Nice to see you.” But he'd probably say something royal and fancy.
Ah, it was wonderful year after year to imagine being restored to the monarchy and going to Scotland. And being king and Queen and Princes- though a little more modest than the Germans down in London. Not needing a ship or all these jet planes or buying new dresses going off to fancy balls going off with actresses down to some island- wouldn't need all that. We’ll be a good royal family.
Well, it was this last week when they got the telegram from their father. Said “wire money. $500. Need desperately. Signed William.”
Grace didn't know what to do. Walter said “We'll wire him our phone number and he can call us.”
And three days later, he did just that. Walter had never spoken to his father before and hardly recognized his voice at all, except for the fact that it was so nervous and so halting.
“This is Walter.” He said.
“Walter! How old are you?
“24 dad”
“My goodness doesn't seem that long ago.”
“Well it was. I get a year older every year just like everybody else.”
Walter said “I need money” said “I don't need $500, I need 5000. I've been indicted for mail fraud. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong to hurt people. But they want to put me away for 10-15 years and Walter I'm too old to go to prison. I gotta leave the country.”
Walter said, “what is it you did?”
Said “I was in the genealogy business. I made up family trees for people.”
Walter just felt his face go numb. He said “you didn't. You did this to us. Why did you do this?”
His father said. “I meant to tell you before this, I really meant to tell you, but it was meant as a gift. I wanted you to be proud. I knew those Tollefsons would pity you and pity you until there wasn't anything left.” He said “I wanted you to be so proud that I wouldn't have to come back. That you'd come and get me.”
Well, they raised the money. Walter put down the phone and his mother said “you didn't tell him then. That he's the King of Scotland?”
Walter said “no, there'll be time to tell him later.”
She said “oh Walter, what would I do without you? You're so strong, you're so good to me.” She said “you're a Prince, you know. They can put a crown on a dog and call it a Prince, but you are a Prince through and through, though nobody may know it now. They'll know it soon and next year at this time will be in Edinburgh with the bands playing and the flags flying and the crowd cheering.”
That's the news from Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, where all the women are strong and all the men are good looking and all the children are above average.
1982.11.13 Berkshire Eagle/ 1982.11.12 Charlotte Observer: "BTT, Lisa Neustadt, Redpath, Hot Rize". Rebroadcast 2/5/83 (Hall)
Archival contributors: Frank Berto, John Hall