Audience, Eric Bogle, Pat Donohue, Richard Dworsky, Dave Frishberg, Guy's All-Star Shoe Band, Garrison Keillor. Andy Stein,
Froggie Went A Courtin' ( Garrison Keillor ) Can't Take You Nowhere ( Dave Frishberg ) Saratoga Hunch ( Dave Frishberg ) Lewis and Clark Theme (Guy's All-Star Shoe Band ) Front Row Cowboy ( Eric Bogle ) Small Miracles ( Eric Bogle ) La vie en rose ( Richard Dworsky ) Down in the Valley ( Garrison Keillor , Audience ) Where Have All the Flowers Gone ( Garrison Keillor , Audience ) My Wild Irish Rose ( Garrison Keillor , Audience ) The Rose ( Pat Donohue ) Yellow Rose of Texas ( Garrison Keillor ) Lida Rose ( Garrison Keillor , Audience ) Everything's Coming Up Roses ( Garrison Keillor , Audience ) My honey's loving arms (Guy's All-Star Shoe Band ) Moonglow ( Andy Stein , Pat Donohue ) Dark End of the Street ( Garrison Keillor ) Matty ( Dave Frishberg ) Springtime ( Andy Stein , Richard Dworsky ) Somewhere In America ( Eric Bogle ) Weary blues (Guy's All-Star Shoe Band ) Farewell Blues (Guy's All-Star Shoe Band )
American Duct Tape Council (Hi. Supermodel Cynthia Maxwell here, with a tip for women like me who must be devastatingly beautiful at all times or else die. Fashion is, like, it changes, you know? sometimes four or five times in the course of one evening ----- so--- you work on your look, the black lipstick, the white eyeshadow, and you get that exact right combination of blanched fragility and psychopathic angularity that is so now, so here, so us, and you go to the club and you're with your people and it's cool and then suddenly you get this feeling that now that whole fragility look is over, so you go to the ladies room and you've got fifteen seconds to do a total makeover, you don't want to leave your people time to start talking about you and about how over that whole fragility thing is now ---- so you've got to work fast, and that's why my choice for makeup removal is Duct tape. Press the strips of duct tape tight to your face and (RIP TAPE, FOUR TIMES) off comes the old look, and now you have the bruised waif look that's always in------ color the hair pink (SPRAY), a stripe of lipstick down your nose (SQUISH OF LIPSTICK), and a white plastic fork in your ear ---- there ---- fantastic. Thanks, duct tape.) Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie (Winter in Minnesota: just the phrase summons up visions of (CRUNCH OF FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW) a moonlit night and fields of snow glimmering and a Russian poet in a long fur coat (TR RUSSIAN RECITING POETRY) and even though we don't understand Russian, we know what he means (TR RUSSIAN POET), he's talking about the spiritual longing, the purity of a winter night, ---- one finds this in Japanese haiku too (TR JAPANESE RECITING POEM OF GREAT DELICACY) ---- I should say, northern Japanese haiku (TR JAPANESE, MIDWESTERN ACCENT) ---- and you find many of these same feelings in Swedish poetry as well (TR SWEDISH POETRY RECITATION)....., so it's a poetic time, winter, and then it's April and May and (BLIZZARD, WOLF) winter keeps on and then it doesn't seem profound anymore (TR RUSSIAN WEARINESS, DEPRESSION) ---- Winter becomes a very boring guest. Winter becomes the climate equivalent of Calvinism. And all over Minnesota, people snap (PENCIL BREAKS), and they go into snits and stalk through the house (FOOTSTEPS, ANGRY) slamming doors (SLAM DOOR, CAT ALARM), and they sulk. (SS: This is so disgusting. I am fed up! The end of March and it's still cold out! (CAT MEOW) SS: Shuddup! TR: Honey?? I'm home! SS: Leave me alone! TR: What's wrong? SS: It's Post-March Syndrome. TR: Well, I've got good news. SS: What? TR: I've been transferred. SS: Transferred where? TR: To Oregon, honey. (BIG HEAVENLY GLISS) SS (DAZED): Oregon------ (VIOLIN) TR: Yes, we're going to Oregon. SS: Oregon---- we'll smell flowers again. Grass. Real coffee. TR: We'll throw away our parkas and buy rain gear. SS: We'll put the prairie behind us and we'll look at mountains every morning. TR: We'll go kayaking. We'll get mountain bikes. SS: We'll buy a big house and fill it with pottery and hanging plants and antiques, a house with big windows and wind chimes and a cedar deck overlooking a mountain stream where we'll sit in our hot tub and drink organic wine and talk about exciting new developments in secondary education. TR: Oh Susan! In two years, we'll be happy again! (DARK CHORD) SS: Two years!!!! It's not for two years. (DARK MUSIC) But two years pass ---- two more winters (TR RUSSIAN POETRY) --- and finally your house is (GAVEL, TK: SOLD!!!) and your children are dealt with (TR TEEN: But I don't want to move! SS: Fine. We'll put you in foster care.) and you're on the plane (JET TAKEOFF. SS: Oh Howard, I can't believe it. Oregon. TR: We're really going.) and somewhere over Idaho (TK ON P.A.: As we begin our descent into Portland, your flight attendants will be coming through the plane handing out Oregon immigration & naturalization forms....SS: What is this, Howard? TR: I have no idea.) and you land and in the airport (AIRPORT AMBIENCE) (TK: Residents in the green line, non-residents in the red line!) and you go in the red line and come up to the agent behind the counter (TK: Step through the polyester detector, please. SS: What? BIG KLAXON ALARMS. SS: It's nothing! It's only my scarf! I'll throw it away! TK: Sorry! SS: Please! please! (FADING) Please! please!) It's at times like that, a person really could use some rhubarb pie. Rhubarb! it's the secret of the good life! A taste of springtime.) Cafe Boeuf
Lyrics to “Froggie Went a-Courtin’”: Well, Froggie went a-courtin’ and he did ride, uh huh. (SPLASH) Sword and a pistol by his side, uh huh. (GUNSHOT) Froggie went a-courtin’ just for fun, He rode off to Oregon, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (FROG, SPLASH) Froggie met a spotted owl, uh huh. (OWL) Froggie met a spotted owl, uh huh. (OWL) They sat by a pond and he fell in love And he sang her a song he was quite fond of, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (FROG BARITONE) Mr. Froggie said, “Come marry me, uh huh.” (FROG) Mr. Froggie said, “Come marry me, uh huh. (OWL SHYNESS) We’ll ride east on I-84 And settle down by a river shore. Uh huh uh huh uh huh.” (FROG) She said, “What would the wedding supper be, uh huh?” And Froggie said, “A dry Chablis, uh huh. (FROG) A dry Chablis and a plate of Brie, A mouse for you and a fly for me, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” (OWL) She said, “Who’ll be there for the wedding vows, uh huh?” And Froggie said, “Six brown cows, uh huh. (MOO) Six brown cows to carry the train, And two black sheep to open champagne, (SHEEP) uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” (CHAMPAGNE POP) She said, “Where would we go for a honeymoon, uh huh?” And Froggie said, “To the Clair de Lune. Uh huh. (LOON) Clair herself will be our host She’ll serve us bugs on buttered toast, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” (LOON) She said, “What will our babies be, uh huh? Will they look like you or look like me, uh huh? (OWL) One more thing: I have to warn ya, I don’t love frogs from California, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh” (FROG) Froggie said, “I’m not from there, uh huh. I do not texturize my hair. Uh huh. I do not tan, my skin is blotchy, And these webs are not Versace, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” (FROG) She said, “Where will we live if you marry me, uh huh? Will we live in the top of a redwood tree, uh huh?” (OWL) Froggie said, “I don’t climb trees, We’ll live on a lily pad, if you please. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh”. (FROG AND SPLASH) Then Froggie pulled out a big cigar, uh huh. Froggie pulled out a big cigar, uh huh. (FROG) He lit it up and took a puff, And his lady love said, “That’s enough. I’m gone. Goodbye. Farewell.” (OWL) She said, “Take that down to the riverside, uh huh. Cigar smoke I can’t abide, uh huh. It makes my feathers brown and greasy, And you know we are an endangered specie. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” “You’re the ugliest frog that I ever saw, uh huh. (OWL) In Oregon, you’re against the law, uh huh. (OWL) I’d rather stay here in a hollow log Than be sweet-talked by a big-time frog, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.” (FROG) Mr. Froggie noticed the light get dim, uh huh. (FROG) Mr. Froggie noticed the light get dim, uh huh. (FROG) Mr. Froggie noticed the light get dim, There was a big dark shadow over him. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (FROG FEAR) A thought went through Mr. Froggie’s mind, uh huh. (FROG) He shoulda stuck with his own kind, uh huh. (FROG GULP) He waved goodbye and before he could talk, Mr. Frog was caught by a silver hawk, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (HAWK). Mr. Frog went stiff when he felt the bite, uh huh. (FROG GULP) And then he looked down from a very great height, uh huh. He and the hawk became as one, And the frog got to see all of Oregon, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (HAWK) And the spotted owl found a mate, uh huh. (OWL) And they started in to propagate, uh huh. They made a nest in the Great Northwest, And their kids were the sweetest and handsomest, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (OWL PRIDE) The moral of the story is look both ways, uh huh. Don’t be foolish or one of these days, uh huh, There may be somebody overhead, Giving thanks for his daily bread. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. (HAWK)
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