Burlington Beaudoin Family, Butch Thompson Trio, Dissipated Eight, Garrison Keillor. Michael McKernan, Middlebury College Mandolin Orchestra, Peter Ostroushko, Stoney Lonesome, Word of Mouth Chorus,
Travelling biscuit band ( Garrison Keillor ) In the heart of Vermont ( Garrison Keillor ) Moralize our fiction ( Garrison Keillor ) Froggy Moore (Butch Thompson Trio ) Sweet Substitute (Butch Thompson Trio ) Blue room (Butch Thompson Trio ) Whinin' boy blues (Butch Thompson Trio ) Waltz, Charleston, and polka (Butch Thompson Trio ) Early ( Peter Ostroushko ) Brenda's reel (Burlington Beaudoin Family ) La grand chien (Burlington Beaudoin Family ) Molly and Tenbrooks (Stoney Lonesome ) How many hearts have you broken (Stoney Lonesome ) Soar away (Word of Mouth Chorus ) Lawrenceburg (Word of Mouth Chorus ) Edumaya (Word of Mouth Chorus ) Joy has come (Word of Mouth Chorus ) Morning (Word of Mouth Chorus ) New Jerusalem (Word of Mouth Chorus ) Airmail special (Middlebury College Mandolin Orchestra )
Ajua! Hot Sauce America's Family Foundations Bertha's Kitty Boutique Bunsen, Duane Burge, Ron Chatterbox Cafe Ingqvist, Marilyn Jack's Auto Repair Powdermilk Biscuits Ralph's Pretty Good Grocery Sidetrack Tap Skoglund's Five and Dime
Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, my hometown. I called back there last night. They said, “oh, not much really been pretty quiet. How's it going out there with you?” they said.
I said, “well, we're having a great time out here.” I said “we got into town about Wednesday night. The President of the College was there to meet us through a gala banquet in our honor- sit down dinner, chicken, sausage, some of the best sausage I ever ate. Was out in a barn out by the golf course, said he even gave up. Got up he's he gave us his little speech of welcome and everything.”
And they said “you don't say. The president himself,” they said. “Well, now, that's quite a deal isn’t it?” they said. “And you make sure you don't get the big head from all of that. Make sure you don't pretend to be something that you're not, which by the sounds of things you already have done.”
Well, I wish I were back in town tonight, because it's the junior senior prom tonight, at the Lake Wobegon High School gymnasium. About 30-40 couples be there. Rented outfits making their first bold venture into elegance and grace and style which is never easy in Lake Wobegon- it's not that kinda town.
It's a town lot of houses where they never use their front doors, you know. The elegant entry, the one that comes into the hall and into the living room. Some of the houses they don't even have sidewalk going up to the front door, so. Some of them don't even have stairs there. You'd have to go to some trouble come in by the front door. If you knocked on it, they probably couldn't open it be stuck from fears of disuse. They'd have to yell at you through the crack they’d say, go around to the back! And you’d go around to the back. Come in through the mud room. And through the kitchen. That's elegance and Lake Wobegon. Not much of it.
Traditionally, the junior senior prom is put on every April and it's put on by the juniors for the seniors, kind of like Social Security is every year. It's late this year and its elegance is somewhat toned down because the juniors heard talk among the sophomores that they, the sophomores, had no intention of doing any of this foolishness when they the sophomores, became juniors and the juniors became seniors and it was their turn to be the recipients of a gala and elegant occasion.
Carl Krebsbach Junior, who's a sophomore, was saying to some of his pals, he's saying “you couldn't pay me to go to one of those things- prom. Sashaying around in clothes like that, so” he said, “I don't think we ought to pay for somebody else to do it.”
He thinks a prom is phony and he thinks there are a lot of people in Lake Wobegon who are phonies and who put up a false front in order to impress other people. Mowing your lawn is an example. Putting up a false front to Carl Krebsbach junior, he's told his father this many times grass should be allowed to grow naturally and come up. Wearing a suit to church is another example of putting on a false front. His father said, “well, what do you think we ought to wear? Go in animal skins or what?”
Actually, yes, he was kind of thinking about that. You ought to be able to just go to church, wrap yourself in something- a blanket or a sheet, or a towel or something, or bear skin or whatever, and just go down there and people ought not to mind about it, because after all it is who you are and not what you wear that counts.
He's a tough critic. (clapping) Well, some people here agree with him I- wouldn't say that I- I wouldn't say that I disagree, I remember only too well my first ventures into elegance and grace and style. And I'm still trying. And I'm not sure yet how it turns out.
Back when I was a senior Lake Wobegon high school, back before most of you were around, I had read, I guess probably more romantic novels than were good for a person. And so when the prom came around that April I was all primed for elegance. The novel I remember most clearly- there's a novel called Last Dance at the Old Plantation. A novel by Mary Margaret Mcweeney. And it concerned the Cornwallis family and their decision to go ahead with their annual spring cotillion. Even though the clouds of war were gathering overhead in Charleston, SC in 1861.
I remember that scene. Maybe you do too. When the old guy is sitting in the library in a leather chair. He's in his clean blue bib overalls, a white shirt, and a tie and he's reading catalia and his youngest and most beautiful daughter Emily bursts in through the door and she says, oh, Papa, oh Papa, she said, her liquid brown eyes filling with tears. Oh Papa, oh Papa, we can't. We just can't it'd be criminal for us to be dancing while men are dying.
My darling, he said his voice softer now. We must go ahead with the spring catalia so that gentlemen will have something to die for. And so they did it, and they spared no expense on it, either on lavish food laid out on great tables out on the lawn under the magnolia trees and the music orchestras playing and beautiful costumes and beautiful ladies gliding across this shiny ballroom floor in the arms of handsome gentlemen. Handsome gentlemen whose features were slightly darkened by the sense of impending tragedy.
And the scene in which Emily then stands on the veranda in the arms of her beau and looks up into his steely blue eyes and she says “Oh Randolfe. Oh Randolfe, I didn't know you cared”.
He held her close. Her cheek pressing against his tunic.
“My darling” He said his voice softer now. “Another month may find me lying mortally wounded on some distant battlefield. And as I die I will have this brief shining moment to remember.”
It was a beautiful scene. I didn't expect that depth of feeling at the Lake Wobegon High school prom. But I was hoping for it. Because I had a sense of impending tragedy too. The tragedy of my youth fading from me. And that day when I'd have to go out and make something of myself. And as I stood there, in the shadows under the backboard, in the gymnasium decked out in my white linen suit. Not even daring to touch it. Not to leave big sweat stains all over. My eyes were half closed. My jaw was set as I sent tragic and meaningful glances out toward Marilyn Ingvuist. Beautiful, fragile, frail silf-like beauty- a vision in white. Who, tragically was in the arms of Ron Berge. And I wanted to hold her in my powerful arms- her cheek against my tunic or whatever I was wearing at the time.
And say,” oh Marilyn, Marilyn Marilyn Marilyn. Another year may find me flunking out of some distant university. And even as I go down in disgrace and defeat. Yet I will have this brief shining moment to remember.”
I wanted to let her know that our time was short. The time for us to declare our passion for each other. Which she had not so far, so much as given me any slight hint of. And it was then that I got popped in the shoulder by the powerful arm of Russell Kruger.
Who said “hey, bee bee brain what's the matter? what's the matter with you. Your dog die or something?
He said some things, then about Marilyn Inqvuist. I turned and said to him, with barely concealed contempt, “you're crude. Russell, you know that you're crude.”
He said “ahhh, have some fun. Here” and he reached into his jacket and he pulled out a little bottle. And he poured a clear fluid into my cup of Hawaiian punch. And I drank it as I imagined a gentleman would drink that sort of thing. And I was amazed at how it heightened my sense of this brief shining moment of elegance and style. And I reached over, held out my cup, and he poured another one. And I tossed that back. Watching Marilyn Inkquist swirl around the floor.
And then I decided I wanted to get some fresh air. They were swirling too fast. And he and I went out by the incinerator and he poured me another cup full of this stuff. And I drank the cup. And then I had a feeling that my shining moment had passed. That the evening was pretty much over for me. That it was time for me to be by myself out between parked cars. Because that impending tragedy was now about to happen. And as I went out between the cars and as the tragedy happened I remember Russell saying “now, this is fun. Now this is what I call real fun.”
So they're up there tonight in the gymnasium. The theme tonight is A Night in the Gardens of Spain. And even though the fountain out in the middle of the basketball floor is only an old watering tank. And even though the festive banquet will feature Spanish rice. And even though that combo is going to play, a lot of Lady of Spain and those colorful vests that they are wearing obviously came from the County Highway Department. There's elegance there. There's elegance there you just don't want to look too hard at it. Which is true of elegance, wherever it does not bear a lot of scrutiny when you mean to be graceful and stylish in the company of other people you don't want to look too hard at each other.
It's like when the Thanatopsis society puts on their white dresses. And they recite tree poems for Arbor Day and they plant a box elder. And they do the dance of the wood nymphs around it. If you attend that festivity as a literary critic you're missing the whole show. You're not seeing what's there for you to see.
Dwayne Bunson’s been working up towards this prom all week. Sensible fellow. Likes to play basketball, likes to fish and hunt. Likes to take small engines apart. And all this week he's been working on the waltz, taking lessons from his mother, Arlene whose used to following, but who's managed to propel this young boy around and around their living room floor more or less in time to their old Wayne King record. Trying to tell him. “ You gotta be definite when you dance. You gotta want to. You can't shilly shally around out there when you're doing the waltz. Gotta go out there and do it and not be half hearted about it.”
And he says “But I am I half hearted- I don't really want to do it”
She says “want to! Want to and then do it and then you'll really want to and then you'll do it even better. And now one more time with your right foot and 123 123 123” and around they went.
And now he's out there with the others decked out in a suit he won't wear until he gets married, or until he becomes the emcee of a variety show or gets a job as a saxophonist in a Roadhouse playing for tea dances.
But he's out there. Hair slicked back. Waltzing up a storm. I hope he is waltzing like there was no tomorrow. I hope they enjoy themselves. I hope they don't laugh at each other.
That's the news from Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, where all the women are strong all the men are good looking and all children are above average.
PHC needs grants to survive. History of Middlebury College. The story of shape note singing.
Bennington Banner May 9 1983 Burlington Free Press May 8 1983 Rutland Daily Herald Dec 21 1982 Rutland Daily Herald Jun 14 1984 Rutland Daily Herald May 8 1983
Photo by Associated Press. 1983.05.20 Boston Globe / 1983.05.06 Brattleboro Reformer / 1983.05.08 Rutland Daily Herald / See 1984.06.16 Rutland Daily Herald: Two shows here were combined and broadcast on 1984.06.16 / Berto: this show was rebroadcast on May 14, 1988.
Archival contributors: Frank Berto