Greg Brown,
[undocumented]
Halvorson, Ruth Starr, Harold Thorvaldson, Senator K
Well sir it has been a quiet week in Lake, Wobegon, Minnesota. The Herald Star came out on Thursday, edited by Harold Star. Harold was into the bottle heavily this week. Page 4 wound up on page 1 and page 1 was back on page six some place. He went in about four sheets to the wind and put the forms in wrong on the old flatbed press. He was sick his wife said- Irene said. That’s what they call it in Lake Wobegon- it’s their word for that. It's always been their word for it when they ask about Harold. He’s sick. He’s home in bed. He’s sick.
See now in your more sophisticated circles, they're realizing that it's a sickness- but back 15-20 years ago they didn't. They talk about people who drink too much as if they were fools, you know, he can't handle his liquor. What's wrong with him? In Lake Wobegon they always have said that. He’s sick. He’s home in bed. He’s ill. And he is. Yes sir. Of course, that’s not necessarily what Irene says to Harold when she comes home and talk to him. Well that comes under confrontational therapy, I think.
Anyway, the paper got mixed up a little bit this week but it didn't make a whole lot of difference. Nobody reads it all anyway. And it was kind of nice for Ruthie to see the notice of her bridal shower right up there on the front page, right-hand side. The lead story of the week. She's getting married to a young man from Minneapolis. Who has yet- and it's a subject to some talk in Lake Wobegon- has yet to present himself for inspection in town and people are wondering about it. Her parents had to drive all the way down to Minneapolis in order to have a look at him- which is not the way they did in my day- believe me. This young man is supposed to join himself to a family, and he’s supposed to get his fanny up there, and let them look at him and let them fuss over him a little bit and cook him meals. He’s marrying one of their, one of their favorite daughters and nieces and they want to have a look at it him, and he oughta give them a look at him instead of hangin’ around. She gonna be married soon so he better get up there.
Christmas day, she's going to be married, which is another first in Lake Wobegon. Nobody's ever done that before. People talked about that a little bit too, but not much. Because she's such a nice person. Quiet girl, always well-behaved never gave anybody a moment of worry or trouble. The oldest daughter in a big family. Helped out at home- did well in school. Always nice. Always quiet. All her life. Just a model child in so many ways.
Though she was what you would call a plain girl, if you were to describe her. And if you were to compliment her on her appearance you might say she had nice eyes. Or that she kept herself so neat and she does. She has good posture. But it turned out that she’d always wanted to be married on Christmas ever since she was a little girl. She loved Christmas and you know growing up in that big a family sometimes the quiet one doesn't get the attention. And maybe this is her way of asking for some of it to be married on Christmas- and to be kind of the queen of Christmas. And all of them be coming to her wedding- relatives coming from far away – ‘course lot of them be coming for Christmas, then they’d come to the wedding too.
And then there are also those relatives in the Halverson family whom you would not invite for Christmas, but of course, you have to invite them to the wedding. So they get to come and go to both. Kind of a bonus for them.
I tell you, there have been some real feuds in that Halverson family. And I'll tell you after Christmas they're either going to get them resolved in some way or they're going to become much more interesting. I'm looking forward to it.
Including her great-uncle. I’ll take a couple minutes to tell you about him. Senator Thorvaldsson, who is your great uncle on her mother's side of the family. He was the oldest boy, the firstborn of the whole family. Mother and father just come over from Norway and he was the first child born in the new world, and they were so proud of him. They wanted to give him the right name and they named him Senator. They just liked the sound of it. It had a wonderful ring to it. Senator Thorvaldsson. His full name is Senator Knute Thorvaldsson. He went by the nickname of Eddy when he was a kid, and then he tried out SK Thorvaldsson for a while , but he kind of got- he kinda grew into his name so that he could call himself Senator Thorvaldsson. He put on a lotta weight for one thing when he was quite young and he grew a magnificent, big handlebar mustache, and he grew his hair longer than was the fashion at that time- so it kinda fell down from the part in the middle then it swooped back behind his ears and it kind of gathered in a big cluster in the back.
He was a big man. He was an imposing, man. And he had great, immense eyebrows that were like bushes on his face. So that whenever he’d lift one, his whole face seemed to shift a little bit. And he had just a senatorial air about him, an air of dignity. Dignity was his talent in life. It was his talent. He always wore a big double-breasted jacket even when he worked out in the field. Which he did less and less of. He retired at a very early age. And became gainfully unemployed. And became a lounger in town and sat with the other old boys on the bench over by the Sidetrack tap. And talked with them all day long- like a Senator. Talking about the world and all that interested in his big, booming voice that you could hear halfway down the block.
Wonderful, man. Because, though he didn’t do anything for a living- nobody knew where he got what little money he had- he had a talent of making every moment into an occasion. He could see you walking down the street and he might not even know you're first name. You might be just some little kid on your way to the candy store. But he’d stand up and he’d hold his arms out. And he’d say “Well dere you are den. Well dere you are. I've been waiting for you. What a beautiful day. I was just sitting here looking at da… looking at da sky and at da trees. And den here ya come walkin right into da picture. My you look lovely!”
And you would stand up another inch or two taller. He had that way about him- in making you feel, if not like a senator, at least like a representative of something. He made you feel good. Of course somebody who doesn't work for a living, they have to find a way to get their meals. He was a man who’d come to your door, whether he was invited or not and he’d knock and then he’d put his head and then the rest of them would come in. And he’d stand up there in the big double-breasted jacket. And he’d say “verza gawd, verza ah it looks so good” he would say looking at your dinner on the table. Even if it was Campbell's tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich- he’d say “My it looks good.” And before you knew what you'd have him up there at the end of the table and you be fussing over him and somebody’d be running off to the Frigidaire to get the herring out from the back and spread it out for him and give him a napkin. My, he was a magnificent man. “I'm so grateful” he would say at the end. “I am so grateful to you.”
And he's coming for the wedding. He’s coming. He’ll be there. And this young guy who's getting married, the bridegroom, he better get up there too. He better get up there soon if he knows, what's good for him.
He could learn something from Senator Thorvaldsson, something about graciousness you know. If you do it in the right way, sometimes it can be better to receive than to give. If you receive it with style. Sometimes it's better.
That's the news in Lake Wobegon, the 4H is meeting on Monday night and the topic will be leadership. The services of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility - the weekday mass- is now at 8 in the morning and Saturday night at 8 p.m, and Sunday morning at 11 o’clock. Lake Wobegon Lutheran; Sunday School is at 9:45 tomorrow and the worship service is at 11 o’clock. And the Ladies Circle of the Lake Wobegon Lutheran Church will be meeting tomorrow evening at the Halgen home- Miss Halgen will demonstrate making pine cone decorations, and Mrs Berge will be showing how to dip cherries in chocolate. And there will also be the monthly drawing for Secret Pals.
In Lake Wobegon Minnesota, where all the women are strong and all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average- every one of them. Yes sir.
Des Moines Tribune Nov 21 1980 Iowa City Press Citizen Nov 22 1980
Ad from Nov 21 Des Moines Tribune and Nov 22 Iowa City Press-Citizen. / Audio of the News available as a digital download.