Audience, Beausoleil, James Burton, Pat Donohue, Guy's All-Star Shoe Band. Garrison Keillor, Andra Suchy,
I Ain't Never ( Garrison Keillor , Andra Suchy , Guy's All-Star Shoe Band ) Susie Q ( James Burton ) I Got a Woman ( James Burton ) That's All Right ( James Burton ) Wildwood Flower ( James Burton ) Rollin' and Tumblin' (Rouler et Tourner) (Beausoleil ) Chanson de Theogene Dubois (Beausoleil ) Beautiful ( Garrison Keillor , Guy's All-Star Shoe Band ) Loving You/Loving Me ( Garrison Keillor , Andra Suchy , Guy's All-Star Shoe Band , James Burton ) Hello Mary Lou ( Pat Donohue , Garrison Keillor , Andra Suchy , Guy's All-Star Shoe Band , James Burton ) I've just seen a face (Guy's All-Star Shoe Band , James Burton ) I Can't Help Falling in Love With You ( Garrison Keillor , Pat Donohue , James Burton , Audience ) Les Barres de la Prison (Beausoleil ) Are You Lonesome Tonight? ( Garrison Keillor , Guy's All-Star Shoe Band , James Burton )
Barksdale Air Force Base (Garrison Keillor talks about Barksdale Air Force Base and WWII) Fritz Electronics Script (How to remember people with a Face Scanner clip from Fritz Electronics) Garrison Keillor Credits (Garrison Keillor Credits) Garrison Keillor Greetings (Greetings, notes and messages from fans and audience members) GK Talks with James Burton (Garrison Keillor talks with James Burton) Guy Noir, Private Eye Script (Solving a case for the Queen in Shreveport, Louisiana. ) Intermission (Beautiful - With Garrison Keillor and Guy's All-Star Shoe Band) James Burton Segment (Introduction and Interview with James Burton, including songs) Keillor Opening (Monologue about Louisiana ) Life of the Cowboys Script (The Cowboys in Shreveport and the Louisiana Hayride) Novel Script (Why do authors go out to cabins to write their novels, with sound effects) Powdermilk Biscuits Break Sound Effect Script (Mosquitoes, Debutantes and Water Sprinklers)
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Well, it’s been a quiet week up in Lake Wobegon, Minnesota. It’s been warm there, what we would consider warm. It’s been up in the 80’s and it’s been kind of rough on these Scandinavians. We kind of turn pale and passive and aren’t able to make major life decisions. Very few people decide to get married when it’s that warm, and if they do, it doesn’t turn out all that well. It’s up in the 80’s and kind of high humidity, so they had to make a decision to move the graduation out of the high school gymnasium and out onto the football field. It just would have just been unbearable in that gymnasium, because there’s no air conditioning up at the high school, other than these two little window units in the offices. And it would have been unbearable in that gymnasium, to have 800 people in there. You would have had people dying from asphyxiation, probably two or 300 of them. We do hate to, we do hate to make change. We hate change at Lake Wobegon. If you’ve ever visited there, you know that. But they had to do it. I mean. when you stop to think about it, you know. Two hundred casualties, it just would have been a big burden on the whole town and you’d have to have all of those funerals, and all of that ham salad for the sandwiches. You would have gotten tired of that in a big hurry. And the hymns – You know, “Abide With Me! Fast Falls the “Eventide.” It’s a beautiful hymn, if you hear it once or twice. But if you heard it 200 times, it would really start to wear out, and if you go to one funeral, then you’re going to have to go to all of them. And just the chore of coming up with the eulogies. I mean, harder for some people than for others. But anyway, they did what they had to do, and they moved it, they moved it, to the football field for Thursday, Thursday evening. And then, wouldn’t you know, this beautiful rain came along on Wednesday. This cool rain, this blessed rain. You could smell the peonies all over town. The catalpa blossoms, as well. It’s a gorgeous thing, Wednesday, was when all of the high school students went out in the parking lot to watch the transit of Venus. And they were out there Wednesday morning, with their little paper goggles on over their eyes, watching the planet cross in front of the sun. And, like so many things that grown-ups try to interest you in. this one was a huge disappointment. The high school kids were expecting some sort of galactic cataclysm, a collision of Venus with the sun, or something, and enormous things flying through the air. Or at the very least, a major, personal, spiritual experience. But instead, they stood out there, with these paper goggles on over their eyes, and maybe they saw something, maybe they didn’t. They said, “Did you see that?” “Well, I don’ know, I’m not sure, it was a little speck.” They thought maybe they had seen something. It really gave them a lot to think about. What else in life might turn out to be a big disappointment, that people try to tell you is so, is so wonderful. Maybe, you know, maybe Paris and Rome. Maybe Paris, France is a big disappointment. Maybe seeing somebody’s underpants is a big disappointment. Maybe marriage, maybe that’s what marriage turns out to be. It’s just two people with paper goggles on, and one says, “Well, did you see it?” “Well, I don’t know, did you see it? I’m not sure.” Anyway, the graduation was moved out onto the football field Thursday. Thursday evening, 135 in the graduating class marched out onto the field. And Hannah Rasmussen gave the Valedictorian speech. She talked about education as opportunity. That opportunity is a door, and what high school gives you is a good door knob and a good set of hinges. And she tried to carry that metaphor a little bit far. She tried to carry it on for 15 minutes and it didn’t work, it didn’t work very well. A metaphor is a road, and you don’t have to follow it to the end, you can just look around the bend. A metaphor is a tree, and you don’t have to go up a tree and live up there, you can just climb up to the first branch. A metaphor is a shoe, a metaphor is a bottle of wine, a metaphor is a rose bush. And you can pour the wine into your shoe and hit the rose bush with it, and it’s not really going to get you anywhere, if you get what I’m trying to say. It was a learning experience for Hannah Rasmussen. She used this metaphor for 15 minutes. And when you do that, people are going to look for some other form of entertainment. And thank goodness, there was a signer at graduation. They’ve never had one before. She was a large woman with sort of floppy, upper arms, and she was a very vigorous signer, and she was grinning all through this horrible speech. And that was interesting to see. And then when the choir got up and they sang “Shenandoah,” she did these flowing motions with her arms. You know, “Across the wide Missouri,” she was waving and waving, as if she was on the verge of climax. Very, very interesting to watch her. Mr. Halvorson was watching the class very closely, because there’s this very old tradition of a class prank. So he was speaking to them about how you should fulfill your mission in the world, which is to bring kindness to other people. And he quoted from the Gospel of Matthew, “I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me to drink. I was naked, and you clothed me.” And when he said, “I was naked,” the signer didn’t know how to do this. She sort of pantomimed putting on underwear. That caused a commotion.. And then, there was a click in the PA, and then there was the long, protracted sound of a fart. It was a rich, full, male fart. And he looked down in the middle of the graduating class, and he saw Jimmy Krebsbach down there in his blue gown, and on his lap was a little black box. And there was a joystick on it. And this kid was smart when it comes to electronics. He was just moving the joystick slightly, and it was a kind of high-pitched squeaky fart. And the signer didn’t know how to sign a fart. Mr. Halvorson didn’t know what to do. He just wished them all well, hoped they found happiness, hoped they found love in their lives and they all cheered and they threw their mortarboards up in the air, which they’d been forbidden to do.. And out they went. Down to the school, and down for the all-night senior party, which is another huge disappointment. An all-night party, it just sounds so wonderful, but you get in there and they lock the door on you and it just turns out to be one more night in prison with music you didn’t pick and food you didn’t want. And there you are, until dawn. Life can be disappointing. Life was disappointing for the Mueller children, this last week. Their mother died. She died finally, and the kids came up from the Cities. Before it, there was this wooden chest that they’d all coveted for years, with these little pillars on the side and inlaid leather.. And they each wanted this wooden, antique chest, this writing desk, and they had argued about it, and finally, they decided the oldest one should have it. But, they should have it appraised, and the oldest one would pay each of the other children their share of the worth of it. And the appraiser came and looked at it and said, “Well, it’s just a copy. It’s only, only worth about $85.” A huge disappointment. And then they looked in a drawer in this writing desk, and they found a little manilla envelope, and it said, “Joseph” on it. That’s not their father. They opened it and there was a wedding ring in there. Well, they asked Mr. Mueller where this come from. “Well,” he said. “It’s a long story. They said, “I don’t care. We want to hear this story.” He said, “Well, she was married to him when she was 18 and it was never good. And then she got pregnant and then he left her, and she went down to the Cities and she stayed with her aunt Jessie. And she had a little girl and she gave it up for adoption. I don’t know where…” “You don’t know where it is, our sis.” “No, I have no idea where it went.” “You didn’t try to find…” “No, it was a long time ago, she didn’t want to find it.” ”You mean we have a sis…” “Yes! You have a sister out somewhere. Adopted by a Krouse family, Chicago, I think.” Disappointment after disappointment. But they had been married for 52 years. And every Saturday, they went on a picnic, the Muellers. He took her even when she was very sick. He hooked up the John Deere to a trailer and he hauled her out into the woods. And there they had a picnic under a big oak tree that they named “Solomon.” They done that every Saturday, every Summer that they were married. Every Saturday they went out. They spread a blanket on the grass, and they sat and they talked and they had some sandwiches, and they had a brownie and they drank some lemonade. They sat together and he held her hand, and sometimes he would take her hand and he would kiss it. And then he’d put her back in the wagon and he’d start up the John Deere and they’d go back to the house. On the way back, he would sing, “Jeannie With the Light Brown Hair,” because that was her name, “Jeannie Mueller.” Every Saturday. Love may be a disappointment, life may have its disappointing moments, but there’s something to be said for loyalty. Loyalty. Year after year, Saturday after Saturday. Loyalty. Never disappointed anybody. Well, that’s the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
Times Jun 5 2012
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